Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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