I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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