what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
