i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
