So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
