i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
