Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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