We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
