a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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