I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
