NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize