i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
