haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what day is it and did you see me today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
