You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
