i was rollin on her like bob the builder
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
