Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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