I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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