There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
