Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
