it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
