I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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