i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
