the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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