..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
only you would photoshop your dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
