My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
