there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
