Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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