I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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