I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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