u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
