Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
