Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
