i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
