I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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