News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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