I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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