I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
