What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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