OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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