remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
