the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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