So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize