the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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