did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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