Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
