i already hear my dad disowning me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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