remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
