Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Nogoodnik hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(515): View more from Iowa

took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru

Fav 22 1273 2912
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

Fav 29 6822 1096
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(972): View more from Texas

i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

(817): View more from Texas

Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

(972): View more from Texas

ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

Fav 66 6052 1617
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

Fav 17 6449 1460
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

Fav 37 2141 5689
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?

Fav 9 4869 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.

Fav 10 864 3136
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever

Fav 0 492 708
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(224): View more from Illinois

Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.

Fav 0 13 22
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT