I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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