i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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