so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
