The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
