Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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