I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
