do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
