You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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