he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
