yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
