You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
