Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
