why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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