My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
