I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
