I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
