He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What drink are we having for lunch?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
