worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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