I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
