Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
zippers are such a cool invention
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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