If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
